How Do You Deal With Conflict?

Do you know the number one thing people—even purpose-driven individuals like you—do to avoid conflict? You compromise. You give a little here and a little there and hope that, in the end, there will be some common ground.

It doesn’t work. If you’re the one giving up what you want, over time you get resentful, even hostile toward the other person. It’s understandable.

You’ve given away the farm and for what?

The arguments are still occurring and you fear eventually the relationship will fall apart. Compromise only keeps the peace as long as one of you is perennially willing to do it.

What happens when you don’t have anything left to give? What happens when, despite having read every book and taken every class, you’re unable to confront real issues without damaging your relationships?

What happens when you’re worried you’re going to lose everything you’ve worked so hard for, when you’ve tried everything, and you don’t know what to do next? 

Right now you’re likely:

  • Avoiding difficult situations and people
  • Hiding your true self when faced with judgment, criticism, and conflict
  • Overwhelmed and overloaded, leaving critical issues unresolved
  • Withdrawing and disengaging during difficult conversations
  • Putting out situational fires instead of making lasting progress

Imagine being able to:

  • Discern your wants and support the growth of those you care about
  • Navigate difficult conversations with ease
  • Confront real issues without damaging your connections
  • Relate to people and understand them, even when you don’t agree
  • Communicate clearly in the face of disrespect or stressful situations
  • Finally feel aligned with your purpose and able to create lasting change

Relating to others in the midst of conflict doesn’t mean someone has to lose.

Together we can determine a direction forward for you that isn’t shaped by judgment, self-sacrifice, or criticism.

Navigate Your Relationships With Confidence

Jenn McCabe | Pluck with Purpose My name is Dr. Jenn McCabe, and I created this workshop because I got tired of watching highly engaged, loving individuals getting burned out at work and disheartened at home, to the point of considering leaving careers and ending relationships because of difficult people and situations.

For most of my career, I worked as an internal consultant, revamping programs and creating new initiatives for executives in a variety of industries.

I saw countless leaders struggle to get buy-in from employees and lead their organizations when things got uncomfortable.

Many abandoned changes that would serve their clients and customers because they were not able to manage all of the accountabilities, responsibilities, and differences that were coming their way. The issues of commitment and integrity were always at the heart of these problems.

My mission is to support purpose-driven individuals in navigating conflict and relationships in order to find peace within themselves and return to having true impact with their lives.

Before I found the 4 Skills, I approached difficult situations with trepidation, defensiveness, and anxiety. I thought conflict was a necessary evil to my line of work. During the 4 Skills Workshop, I realized this was holding me back from contributing everything I wanted to the world. Now I’m recognizing what my patients want, what they’re hoping to get from interactions, and what’s really going on beneath the surface. I no longer have difficult patient encounters because I have all the skills I need to defuse and relate to each person. The 4 Skills gave me a new element of depth to all my relationships! 

Brian, Physician, VA San Diego Healthcare System

Introducing the 4 Skills

With the 4 Skills of relationship competency, you can successfully confront the challenges you’re facing and manage conflicts with individuals.

In fact, the 4 Skills are universal skills that can be applied in just about every situation—work and personal relationships—as it’s really about navigating common interactions with skill and integrity.

Empathic Listening

Substantively understand any situation you face and make solid decisions

Empathy

Effectively manage your responsibilities without taking on other people’s problems

Congruence

Say what you want, when you want, no matter what is coming at you

Unconditional Positive Regard

Handle any difference, conflict, or threat you encounter

The Workshop Details

The 4 Skills Workshop consists of 52 hours spread out over ten to twelve weeks in four sessions.

This allows time to integrate and apply what you’ve learned between sessions.

You have two class schedules to choose from: on-line Monday/Tuesday or in-person Saturday/Sunday tracks. The cost for the 4 Skills workshop is $3,300. You may choose to pay the fee in one payment of $3,300 or four payments of $825. You’ll select your class schedule and payment plan when you register.

The Monday/Tuesday class is held on-line. Our next class begins in February and meets on the following dates: February 27th and 28th, March 20th, April 24th & 25th, and June 4th, 5th, & 6th.

The Saturday/Sunday class is held in-person here San Diego. Our next class begins in February and meets on the following dates: February 4th & 5th, March 4th, April 1st & 2nd, May 5th, 6th, & 7th.

The in-person workshop is held at Liberty Station in Point Loma. The parking is free, and there are a number of restaurants within walking distance of our location. You will have breaks during the day where you can take advantage of walking the grounds or grabbing a coffee and an afternoon sweet treat.

You’ll bring three specific issues to the workshop that you are facing at work or home—things like conflicts between siblings, struggles with bosses, and difficulties with significant others.
We’ll take the challenges you face and use them to teach you the skills while simultaneously identifying solutions to the problems that weigh on you. You’ll do this by participating in small group discussion and role-plays, and observing demonstrations of the skills.

Each workshop is conducted in a small group of three to six people.
That means there’s no hiding out in a big room, and yes, it’s meant to feel slightly uncomfortable. You’ll be using that discomfort to your advantage as you learn and incorporate the 4 Skills. We provide a safe, low-risk environment where people who are facing similar challenges as you and want to see you succeed make up your cohort.

Before learning the 4 Skills, I was often surprised by other people. I wasn't connecting to them as they genuinely are, only as I wanted them to be. I often took things personally, like whatever offense or issue was my fault. After taking the workshop, I have little to no slide into others' responsibilities. I know how to keep myself whole while still relating effectively at work, especially during conflict. I have new ways of doing things that bring more energy, lightness, and joy. My life's more peaceful!

Maggie, Data Analyst, Department of Veterans Affairs

Here are signs that now is the right time to register:

  • You replay arguments in your head, often days after the interaction
  • You can’t seem to get what you want for yourself no matter how hard you try
  • Your buttons are constantly being pushed and you long for a day where you can find respite
  • You preemptively abandon your ideas, wants, and needs in the face of discord
  • You feel as if you have to defend yourself at every turn
  • You’ve searched everywhere for solutions to your problems, tried many, and nothing seems to change
  • You feel the love is slowly draining from your relationships and being replaced with contempt and resentment
  • Your voice feels weak, and often you feel unable to articulate with any sense of clarity what it is you want for yourself
  • You put other’s needs ahead of your own so much so that you are weary and exhausted
  • You avoid holding people accountable until it becomes absolutely necessary, often long after you’ve taken on way more than you can handle

FILL OUT OUR INTAKE FORM NOW

Taking the 4 Skills Workshop completely changed everything I knew about relating to others. At the beginning of the course, I couldn't get past personalizing and internalizing everything about conversations. I realized I needed to stop trying to predict and brace for whatever the other person had to say, so stepping away from that bias was liberating. After learning the 4 Skills, I've got a solid footing in difficult conversations no matter what’s coming at me. While working with Pluck, I felt valued and not judged. It was an incredible personal journey—take the workshop, you won’t regret it. My entire worldview has changed! 

Dave, Commander, United States Navy

FAQs

I don’t want to spend my time fixing someone else’s problem. Why should I do this when it’s clearly their problem, not mine?

But it’s not their problem. It’s yours. You’re suffering. You’re replaying the argument. You’re dreading the interaction. Do you want to wait another day for them to be different, to suddenly wake up and decide today is the day they will regard you properly? Don’t count on it. You have a choice to make: step up and take charge of your situation or wait for someone else to do it. I don’t know about you, but I’m not interested in putting my relationships in anyone else’s hands but my own.

Life already feels overwhelming, time-consuming, and exhausting. Why should I give more time to managing it?

It doesn’t matter if it’s your job or your relationship—you worked your butt off to get where you are, and now those things are at risk. Six half days is a drop in the bucket compared to the work you did to get here and all of the time you’re spending trying to manage conflict. It’s time to invest in something that equips you to relate effectively in the face of confrontation for the rest of your life.

What’s the difference between this workshop and others I’ve tried?

This is a hands-on, custom learning environment that teaches you skills that have universal application to ANY difficult situation you happen to be in. You won’t find another solution to managing conflict that combines the best of who you are with skills that you can apply anytime and anywhere.

What if I sign up and don’t like the workshop?

There are no refunds for the course. We encourage you to talk about what you want to learn during your one-on-one with Jenn so you can ensure you’re making the best decision for yourself.

What if I sign up and then can’t make one of the sessions? Or what if I need to reschedule the entire workshop?

We know that things happen from time to time. You will have the option of scheduling a make-up session or rescheduling your workshop. Due to the nature of this material, we can only offer this option to you once.

Have you worked with someone in my situation?

The one thing we know for sure is that humans are humans, and relating is relating. We all experience a variety of situations and circumstances that challenge our sense of self. The common experience that you and everyone who comes to the workshop has is an inability to maintain his or her integrity in the face of conflict. We focus on that and the rest will align.

What is expected of me during the workshop?

The first is that you bring three specific issues to the workshop that you are facing at work or home—things like conflicts between siblings, struggles with bosses, and difficulties with significant others. The second is that you make a sincere commitment to your class schedule and to your own learning. The rest will take care of itself!

How quickly will I see results?

You will be able to discern a noticeable difference in your skills within the first week of class. Yes, really.

 

How can I guarantee that I will experience measurable results?

The results and outcomes you experience from the 4 Skills Workshop are specific to you and your current needs. It requires commitment, practice, honesty, and a willingness to go the extra mile with your learning.

How will I know I’ve got the skills down pat?

Each person who takes the workshop goes through a period of feeling awkward when first using the skills. This is completely normal! Think about the first time you rode a bike or tried out a new skill at work. You probably made some mistakes, stumbled a bit, and then hit a point where you were able to do it without thinking. This is the same process with the 4 Skills. You will leave the workshop with the 4 Skills under your belt.

What if I need additional support after class is over?

We’ve got you covered. There is a twice-monthly workgroup where you can come and practice, ask questions, and work with others applying the skills. It’s free and you have access to it for as long as you want.

Before taking the 4 Skills Workshop, I realized that I heard very little of what others were saying and thought I was being attacked by other people most of the time. Now I feel like the light has been turned on. People at work tell me that I’m much more present and care more about others than I had before. Take the 4 Skills Workshop! It’s like nothing you’ve ever experienced before. I don’t think there is one person on this planet that doesn’t need these skills.

Carmen, Supervisor, Community Interface Services

Never Give Yourself Up To Keep The Peace Again

Give us six and a half days and we’ll teach you how to do it.

We accept rolling admission to the 4 Skills workshop, and the next workshop starts in February. Spaces tend to sell out quickly, and we take participants on a first come, first served basis from your application date. Registration closes on January 26th or when class is full, which ever comes first.

To get started, click on the button below to fill out a simple, three-minute application.

Once we receive your inquiry, you and Jenn will hop on the phone to address any questions you may have about the workshop, confirm your class schedule, set up your payment, and review our client agreement. Your workshop registration is not confirmed until we’ve completed our phone appointment, you’ve signed your client agreement, and you’ve made your first payment.